Glory & Grit : Season 2, Episode 2 - When You Don’t Know Who You Are Anymore

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Show Notes:

Summary

When You Don’t Know Who You Are Anymore

Sometimes life changes more than our circumstances.

It changes the way we see ourselves.

We may identify ourselves as capable, dependable, independent, needed, or the person who always holds everything together.

Then the job changes.

The relationship changes.

Health changes.

A calling ends.

And suddenly we realize that something we thought was simply a role had become part of the way we understood ourselves.

In this episode, Stephanie shares how lost and disconnected she felt after being released as Relief Society president—a calling she had carried for years.

The mantle was gone.

But her value was not.

This conversation is about learning the difference between what we carry and who we are, giving ourselves permission to miss the person we used to be, and recognizing that rebuilding does not always mean starting from scratch.

Sometimes rebuilding means noticing what survived.

The road may have changed you, but it did not erase you.

Key Topics

• How roles, responsibilities, health, and relationships can become tied to identity

• The difference between usefulness and God-given worth

• Giving yourself permission to miss who you used to be

• Recognizing what survived and what God may be forming now

Takeaways

• You kept walking, even when the steps looked nothing like you expected.

• Your role and responsibilities can change without changing your worth.

• Healing may not mean returning to exactly who you were before.

• God does not have to reveal the whole person you are becoming before He can guide your next step.

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Transcript:

Stephanie (00:01)

You can keep walking and still reach a point where you look at your life and ask, who am I now?

Hi friend, welcome back to Glory and Grit, where faith meets real life. I'm your host Stephanie, and you know what? I'm really glad you're here.

Last week we talked about still walking, taking the most needful step. And we came to the truth that sometimes progress is slow. It might look different

But the important part is you're still walking. So this week we're gonna talk about what happens when the journey changes how you see yourself.

Not how do I start again? But how do I understand the person who's been walking through all of this? let me take 30 seconds to remind you that if you like the podcast

Please take a second and give us a review and share it with someone who you think might benefit from it as well. And and remember that if you go to the website gloryandgritpodcast.com,

you can review and download the new companion pages and that will help you continue today's conversation. All right? Now let's get down to the good stuff. Now we obviously have ways that we identify ourselves, right? We have our name, our age, jobs, family, where we live.

But we also carry other ways that we identify ourselves, like I'm the most capable one, I'm the dependable one, I am always needed, I hold things together, I'm the strong one. And sometimes we really don't see how attached.

we are to those things until one day things change.

So what does that look like? Well, you could lose your job. And in doing that, you could realize that work was tied to how you value yourself. Your health could change. You could get a diagnosis and realize that independence was part of your identity.

You could lose your calling or some role that you've been in, and then you start to realize that that gave you belonging and purpose. And then, of course, very big one, your relationships could change. And then you realize that your identity was built around that relationship. Well

Questions we want to ask is not only what do I do now, but who am I now?

You didn't reach that question because you stopped walking with God. Because you didn't. You might have walked slowly. You might have taken a rest here and there. You might have had to wait for the strength and courage to continue. And at some point, you may have even crawled. Okay?

But the key point here is that you were still moving through the journey. Mike Thumper, you kept walking even when the steps looked like nothing you expected.

I think one of the times that I really felt this was when I was released as Relief Society president from my ward and my church. I had served right before COVID, the year before COVID, through COVID, and then the year after COVID. I think all in all I served like four years. And for those four years, I had

always had something to carry, right? I had to check on someone or their families, personal issues that were going on in their families you have to help with, I have to help solve problems, prepare meetings. we had meetings every Sunday and then monthly meetings and activities.

And this this was a big responsibility and it was important and it really mattered not only to me but to the church as a whole. So this was a mantle that came with the calling and I had become used to it, to doing it, to loving it, and to love serving. And then I was released.

And it had quite an effect on me, I have to say. And it's not like I hadn't had callings before.

Now when I was released from that calling, I knew mentally that callings change. This happens all the time in the culture of my church.

You are called, you serve, you release, you move on to the next calling, or you move to being able to relax throughout the Sunday. Right? This happens all the time. It is the culture of our church.

I knew that was normal. I knew being released was normal. And I knew that I didn't do anything wrong. It was just my time to be released. I had done what I had been called to do, at least I hope and prayed that I had, and now it was time to be released. But that hit me so hard emotionally

I was not prepared. I really wasn't. I remember that first Sunday that I went to church after I had been released. And I remember telling my husband that

I kind of feel lost, you know. I had attended church all day and then I remember coming back the following Sunday and attending church and I felt lost. I felt disconnected from the sisters, from the bishop, whom that role the

Relief Society President and the Bishop and the Elders Quorum President are very close and because we we watch over the families of the ward. And I was really close to one of the eldest quorum president that served during my time and the bishop and so I felt like

I had been not only disconnected from the sisters that I served and their families, but I had been disconnected from the bishop and I had been disconnected from the Elders Quorum president. And I felt like I didn't fit in anymore. I didn't know how to talk to the sisters because all this time I've been talking to them

as a relief society president, so I'm kinda all in their business, you know what I mean? And

you know, trying to help take care of them. And now all of a sudden I'm just there, right?

it was almost like I didn't know where I fit in anymore. And I it wasn't almost, it was. I didn't know how to fit back in to the to the main space of the church, right? I had become so accustomed to carrying that responsibility that when it was no longer mine, I had to figure out

who I was without it. And it took me a minute to figure that out.

And I I was I didn't know who I was. I really didn't. I knew I was still a wife, I was still a mother, I was still a grandmother, I was still a friend and all these things, but I wasn't Relief Society president anymore. So the calling had been something that I did, right? But somewhere in all that it

it had almost become a part of how I understood myself to be, right?

And when it ended, I had to learn that my usefulness had changed, my responsibility had changed, and my role had changed. But my worth had not changed.

Although I wasn't carrying this mantle anymore, and I was having to rediscover myself almost, God did not remove my value. He just removed the mantle. Okay? I was still his. I was still me. I just had to learn to recognize that during that season when I wasn't carrying what I used to carry, right?

And maybe you've had a role like that too. And something that gave you purpose, belonging, or a clear sense of being needed. And when it changed, you didn't stop walking.

You just had to learn who you were on this road where the responsibilities you once had were no longer yours. Now, Christian language can sometimes move quickly toward things like saying, it's a new season, it's a new beginning, it's a new thing. Now

Yes, those things can be hopeful, but new doesn't automatically mean painless, right?

Sometimes there are things that we miss. the former energy we had, the confidence we used to have, the strength, the independence, relationships, the roles. I missed that role, the dreams we used to have, right?

And sometimes we just miss the version of ourselves who hadn't experienced what we did that changed us, right? Well

It's okay. Okay, give yourself permission. I give you permission to say, I miss that version of me. And you can do this without feeling like you're being ungrateful or faithless or even like you're stuck in the past, right? You can trust God, and you can still grieve about what changed in your life.

healing might not mean that you're gonna return to who you were before.

Mike Thumper, you can trust what God is forming and still grieve the life that changed.

We don't have to insult or look down on who we used to be in order to welcome in or feel encouraged about who we're becoming, right? When you think about the former version of yourself, think about that person. He or she survived things. They prayed, they sacrificed, they showed courage, they kept walking.

Okay, you can go back and thank that person, grieve for the loss of that person, and then carry the parts to that person that are beneficial and helpful to you, carry those parts forward, and then the things that don't serve you or that aren't good for you, release those things because they no longer fit you, right?

Mentally, we know, we know that our worth comes from God. But practically, you know, like in the everyday field of things, sometimes we start to measure ourselves by how productive we are, right? how useful are we?

How many people need us, right? And then this is a big one. This is a big, big, big one. How much can we carry without asking anybody else for help? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You know.

Usefulness and worth are not the same thing. Okay.

Capacities may change, you know. You might need help today, you might need rest tomorrow, you might need to set some boundaries on Monday, and which you do, boundaries are good. You might need to slow down by Thursday, and by Friday, you might just need to say no. I give you permission on that too. You can say no.

And if you didn't understand, let me help you understand now. No is a complete sentence. It needs no description. It needs no support statements. It needs nothing. It is a complete sentence by itself. And it is okay to say no.

I'm still learning that one, so we together on that, okay. None of that lowers your worth. In DC 1810, it says, remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God. Now notice it didn't say protective souls.

He didn't say healthy souls, impressive souls. He didn't say souls who have everything figured out. By the way, where are those souls? Because I'd like to meet them. But souls. Mike Thumper. Your life might look different, but your worth hasn't changed with it.

Do I need to say that again for the people in the back? Your life may look different, but your worth hasn't changed with it.

And what does that look like? I'm glad you asked. Let me give you some examples

you might get a diagnosis. I've been diagnosed with ulnar nerve damage right here. Right here. If you're listening instead of watching, it's right where you fold your elbow about two inches up, there's a crease in my arm and there's a little swelling there. That

describes something that's happening inside my body, this nerve damage. But it does not fully describe me, right? Job titles

The job title I have at my part-time job is credentialing specialist. That's something I do. It doesn't fully name me though. Okay. pain. I'm in pain because of this ulnar nerve.

And it has at times reverted back up to my shoulder. Serious, keep you awake three or four times a night, tear pain, right? That shapes part of my story, but it doesn't name my whole life story.

Now you know. I hope those examples can help you think about your life.

when we talk about rebuilding identity we usually think of everything was destroyed and now we have to start over from scratch, right?

Maybe rebuilding also means recognizing what survived, right? Because yes, there may be a lot of destruction, but there's something always that survives. Recognizing what grew. You didn't have this experience and something didn't grow, right?

recognizing what became clearer because sometimes you don't see very clearly in the moment of the season. Sometimes it's after the season when you're rebuilding, you start to see a little more clear what was happening during that season. And then you can think about what survived and what grew

Because you can see clearer on the other side of the season, right? Did that make sense? I hope that made sense. okay, so what does that look like? All right, well, maybe your confidence was shaken, but your compassion was deepened, right? Maybe your faith is less certain than it used to be, but

your faith also became more honest.

Maybe you used to carry everything and then you learn to receive help. Right? That would be me. maybe for you faith meant knowing. And now after that season.

Faith might mean taking the next step without knowing the whole road, right? We talked about that a little in season one. If you haven't listened, go back and check it out. Now

There might be more of you left than you realize. Right? There might be a a little or a lot more of you remaining than you realize. This yes, the season did change. Change you. Mm-hmm. It did. But what it didn't do is erase you.

Mike Thumper, the road may have changed you, but it did not erase you. Okay? So some questions you can ask yourself is what survived?

What became stronger

And what did God uncover that you hadn't noticed before? That's a big one. I have to really ponder that one.

And I mean, honestly, if I'm honest, I'm still pondering it.

If we look at Isaiah forty three.

Isaiah 43, 18, 19.

remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing. Now it shall spring forth.

Shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. And just cause I can't help myself. Whenever in the scriptures you see the word behold before a statement, you need to take that statement or that verse.

to heart and seriously and study it and make it a part of your life. Okay. You make all of them part of your life, but that one you need to like really if it says behold, it's like, hey buddy, look here. Hey bro, come on. This is what you need to know. So remember that. Sorry. I couldn't help myself from putting that little information in there.

So behold, I will do a new thing.

notice what God may already be doing, right? maybe something new is growing before you have the ability to understand and

verbalize what it is, right?

maybe we're missing it because you might be looking for that older version of yourself, right? And that could mean looking for your old strength, your old purposes, your old road that you are accustomed to, right? And maybe God isn't restoring that old road.

Maybe he's teaching us how to walk on the road that we're on now. Okay. And what does that look like?

The identity might be revealed through things like one prayer, one boundary, one choice to rest, one truth finally believed, or that one next most needful step.

Mike Thumper.

God doesn't have to reveal to you the whole person you're becoming before He can guide you to the next step. Okay?

There's not gonna there may not always be this whole hello identity coming news requirement statement. But this it might not be this five year vision that you're going to receive and you know or

God's not going to give you this polished new me announcement, right? Let God reveal it slowly. Line upon line as you're prepared to receive it. And then once you receive it, work on it, right?

And remember that we're always on God's time. And that's not the same as ours, trust me. I've tried. He has his own timing and he cannot be rushed. So maybe the question isn't how do I become who I used to be? Maybe you can ask what parts of me still matter?

What is God strengthened in me? What no longer fits me? Hmm.

Who is God helping me become?

God has always been present in your walk.

And and y he's been present in your obvious progressions and the waiting, the resting, the steps that nobody saw. He saw them.

and he was present while you learned to live inside a life that looked different. You may not recognize every part of yourself in this season, but God has been with you every step of the way, gently revealing who you're becoming.

So don't pressure yourself to define the finished new version of you, right? Just ask one question this week. Just one. Who is God helping me become in this season?

and then what you can do, is keep walking with him. One honest, needful step at a time. That's all he asks. That's one step at a time.

Thank you for spending this time with me on Glory and Grit. I'm your host, Stephanie. Now,

In addition to the companion pages, you can also go to the website to sign up for the new Keep Walking Weekly Encouragement emails. Now it's not a whole Bible study session with homework and all of that stuff. It's just a brief message to help you get through the week. Until next time, my friend.

Keep looking for God's glory even in the middle of your grit. Bye now.